*I’m back and I’m ranting!*
Before anyone else sends me the article, yes, I did read the Vancouver Magazine Article, “Do Vancouver Men Suck?” I also read a number of the comments after, a blog post on SweetLife Titled “The Dapper Gentleman” – which responds in part to the notion that “guys dressed ‘for video games in the basement: baseball caps and baggy T-shirts’” (Ashenburg, pg 1). AND I read the response highlighted in Vancouver Magazine “Do Vancouver Women Suck? A Reader’s Response”
And I have my own theory (of course I do), but you aren’t gonna like it… we need to stop blaming each other everyone in Vancouver sucks…
I too have blamed men for my dating woes, (read every dating post on my blog) BUT I’ve also taken some responsibility for the mistakes, for the lack of dates, the missed connections and misunderstandings. The first part of the “offending” article sounds exactly like I could have written it, or at the very least like Ms. Ashenburg and I had gin martinis one night and traded war-stories. And while I agree that men can be intimidated by women (I’ve actually lied and dumbed-down my profession to keep guys talking to me), that they dress too casually or that chivalry is a foreign concept in this city. I have to take exception to the fact that the article suggests that the women of Vancouver are exceptional, fabulous and above reproach. Have you tried to strike up a conversation with a girl in line for the bathroom at a club? Have you asked a girl where she got her shoes, or what the time is, or if she will hold the elevator for you? Have you, a Vancouver girl tried to make contact, any contact with another Vancouver girl you didn’t already know? No? Well let me save you some time, (of course with exceptions) Vancouver women in general are; self-important, self-conscious, social-climbing, competitive, self-involved and frankly most of us are bitches. Of course we love our friends and we are super generous and kind with the people we care about, but in public, in general we are terrible people; we have walls up, we are guarded, we view everyone – men and women – as potential threats and as competition. (I’m generalizing of course, but that’s what these articles do – they generalize.)
We can blame men all we want for the death of chivalry, there are theories that feminism has ruined men, has made it confusing as to who pays for what and when they can open doors. (Yes the struggle for women’s rights has put men down, *insert eye roll* FYI feminism is about equal rights not about who pays for dinner). But really when was the last time you were struggling with packages and a girl helped you with the door? Chivalry is dying because as a society we stopped being concerned with other people. For example- I saw a woman on the train ask an elderly lady to move out of the designated seats so her and her husband could sit next to each other! How can we think that is OK, and be all up in arms when we choose to put on 6-inch heels and a guy doesn’t offer to give us his seat on our morning commute? (For the record I do think the seat should be offered, but I’m old-fashioned.)
There is a general lack of concern for others in this city, a lack of respect for the well-being of our fellow Vancouverites, a lack of respect that people other than us have shit going on. This translates into our dating life as well. If we walk around all day in exercise gear, why do we expect a man to put on a collared shirt to take us out? If we constantly complain about not being approached at bars, why do we complain when a guy gets up the nerve to do so? Alternatively, guys why complain about constantly being shut down if when you approach a girl the things you choose to say are disrespectful, or if you approach her in inappropriate places? Girls are unapproachable because we have been taught to be with disrespectful behaviour from men. Men then in turn find girls intimidating.
It’s a vicious cycle and someone needs to break it, why not you?
Is this exclusive to Vancouver? Why when we go on vacation do men seem more attentive and more aggressive in approaching you? Why are women easier to talk to abroad? BECAUSE YOU ARE ON VACATION. You are relaxed, you are open to new experiences, you are looking to have fun and it is obvious. Why not try that same attitude here in your own city? (Advice I was given, thank-you M*.) And ladies, why not be nice to that girl in line in the bathroom, maybe she is playing “wing-man” for a cute single guy friend?