She's Not That Positive

I’m positive about a lot of things, in a pessimistic kind of way.

Oh-Em-Gee! Who “Sucks” More?? January 24, 2012

*I’m back and I’m ranting!* :D

Before anyone else sends me the article, yes, I did read the Vancouver Magazine Article, “Do Vancouver Men Suck?”  I also read a number of the comments after, a blog post on SweetLife Titled “The Dapper Gentleman” – which responds in part to the notion that “guys dressed ‘for video games in the basement: baseball caps and baggy T-shirts’” (Ashenburg, pg 1).  AND I read the response highlighted in Vancouver Magazine “Do Vancouver Women Suck? A Reader’s Response” 

And I have my own theory (of course I do), but you aren’t gonna like it… we need to stop blaming each other everyone in Vancouver sucks…

I too have blamed men for my dating woes, (read every dating post on my blog) BUT I’ve also taken some responsibility for the mistakes, for the lack of dates, the missed connections and misunderstandings. The first part of the “offending” article sounds exactly like I could have written it, or at the very least like Ms. Ashenburg and I had gin martinis one night and traded war-stories. And while I agree that men can be intimidated by women (I’ve actually lied and dumbed-down my profession to keep guys talking to me), that they dress too casually or that chivalry is a foreign concept in this city. I have to take exception to the fact that the article suggests that the women of Vancouver are exceptional, fabulous and above reproach. Have you tried to strike up a conversation with a girl in line for the bathroom at a club? Have you asked a girl where she got her shoes, or what the time is, or if she will hold the elevator for you? Have you, a Vancouver girl tried to make contact, any contact with another Vancouver girl you didn’t already know? No? Well let me save you some time, (of course with exceptions) Vancouver women in general are; self-important, self-conscious, social-climbing, competitive, self-involved and frankly most of us are bitches. Of course we love our friends and we are super generous and kind with the people we care about, but in public, in general we are terrible people; we have walls up, we are guarded, we view everyone – men and women – as potential threats and as competition. (I’m generalizing of course, but that’s what these articles do – they generalize.)

We can blame men all we want for the death of chivalry, there are theories that feminism has ruined men, has made it confusing as to who pays for what and when they can open doors. (Yes the struggle for women’s rights has put men down, *insert eye roll* FYI feminism is about equal rights not about who pays for dinner). But really when was the last time you were struggling with packages and a girl helped you with the door? Chivalry is dying because as a society we stopped being concerned with other people. For example- I saw a woman on the train ask an elderly lady to move out of the designated seats so her and her husband could sit next to each other! How can we think that is OK, and be all up in arms when we choose to put on 6-inch heels and a guy doesn’t offer to give us his seat on our morning commute? (For the record I do think the seat should be offered, but I’m old-fashioned.)

There is a general lack of concern for others in this city, a lack of respect for the well-being of our fellow Vancouverites, a lack of respect that people other than us have shit going on. This translates into our dating life as well. If we walk around all day in exercise gear, why do we expect a man to put on a collared shirt to take us out? If we constantly complain about not being approached at bars, why do we complain when a guy gets up the nerve to do so? Alternatively, guys why complain about constantly being shut down if when you approach a girl the things you choose to say are disrespectful, or if you approach her in inappropriate places? Girls are unapproachable because we have been taught to be with disrespectful behaviour from men. Men then in turn find girls intimidating.

It’s a vicious cycle and someone needs to break it, why not you?

Is this exclusive to Vancouver? Why when we go on vacation do men seem more attentive and more aggressive in approaching you? Why are women easier to talk to abroad? BECAUSE YOU ARE ON VACATION. You are relaxed, you are open to new experiences, you are looking to have fun and it is obvious. Why not try that same attitude here in your own city? (Advice I was given, thank-you M*.) And ladies, why not be nice to that girl in line in the bathroom, maybe she is playing “wing-man” for a cute single guy friend?

 

Oh-Em-Gee Watch Your Mouth! AKA How to Lose a Girl in 10 words or less. January 30, 2011

I’m a firm believer in Karma, in “you get back what you give out”, which is why I am so troubled by the recent…*ahem* messages I have been getting from men.

For those of you just joining us I have been challenged to try internet dating, and while I have gone on some nice dates, and some bad dates (as expected); there is a trend – a very disturbing trend – lately in the messages that are coming through my inbox.

I’m not exactly sure how to explain these messages, so I will just go ahead and copy them below. Please keep in mind that these are all coming to me from different men, and that my profile clearly states that I am not the sort of girl that responds to this type of come-on (I don’t even know that kind of girl).

I feel the need to apologize for subjecting you to these, but I have to read them and I feel because of the challenge you should too:

1. “Do you taste like strawberries?” – I guess I should give him props for trying to show me he noticed my hair colour.

2. “Can I bite your bum?” – As far as I am aware there are no pictures of my ass anywhere on the internet.

3. “Can I lick your monkey butt?” – The fascination with my behind is starting to freak me out a little. P.S. “monkey butt”??

4. “Are you open-minded?” –Translation “Wanna hook-up with some random creep you met online?”

5. “Is it true what they say about redheads?” – If what they say is that you will never get one into bed, then yes, yes it is.

6. “Wanna Fuck?” – Seriously?!?!?!

7. “Ur hot, wanna meet?” – If you can’t be bothered to type an entire word I can’t be bothered with you.

8. “Do you like to role play?” – What like “rapist and rape victim”? No thank you.

And the one I received today:

9. “Are short girls really tighter?” – Oh my FUCKING GOD!!! What?!?! What sort of wild rumours go around about women in the locker room?! And more importantly what kind of person says that to someone?!?

Now, I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I am not opposed to “hooking up” or “friends with benefits” and I have never been called frigid (OK maybe once). But this recent objectification is a little insane, and has me more than a little concerned that there are women out there who fall for this shit.

Yes, I may be blowing things slightly out of proportion, but keep one thing in mind – these are the last 9 guys that got in touch with me. (Guy number 10 wrote me a poem, a freaking poem, which is creepy in a totally different way.) What on earth am I putting out into the universe? OK, wait – I know, I know, a few posts ago I was complaining about a dry spell, but the ‘Gods’ cannot possibly be responding in this way? I was thinking maybe dinner and a little too much wine, not “Can I lick your monkey butt?”.

Can I take a break from online dating now? Have I finally been subjected to enough? Can I go back to trying to meet someone at a bar? At least there they try to buy you a drink before saying something vulgar. Can someone please explain the Monkey Butt thing???

I feel like I need a shower.

 

OH EM GEE – Dating Sucks! November 16, 2010

Ah yes I’ve been dating. *insert sarcastic tone here* yay f’n me… I remember why I stopped. It is terrible out here, it is vulnerable, it is confusing and it is…lonely.

I have been on at least one or two dates per week for the last few weeks/month. And frankly it is emotionally draining and I am thinking of ending it all and getting a cat.

First dates are like job interviews, you’re nervous, you want to say the right thing, and you want to be offered the job regardless of whether you actually want it. But the most terrifying thing to me is the few moments before your date arrives when you aren’t sure they will.

Here is a time line of my recent “date” with Will (this name has not been changed and if I could remember his last name I would tell you that as well).

Two weeks ago, we exchanged numbers, he was heading back East to see his family. We texted back and forth everyday, we made a date for Monday night. On Sunday, I confirmed we were still meeting, “Absolutely!” was the reply. On Monday afternoon he confirmed the place and suggested the time 7:30/8:00. (Now, I am always early, I don’t wear my glasses on dates so I’d rather they have to find me than the other way around.)

Since I promised I wouldn’t bail at the last-minute, I went despite the fact that I was under the weather. I arrived at 7:40 and texted him to let him know where the table was.

7:45 – No reply. Inner monologue “He isn’t coming is he? Don’t be crazy you always think that, he has 15 more minutes. What if he doesn’t come? I should have brought a book. Why won’t that girl stop looking over here and whispering?, etc.”

8:00 the waitress comes by again to make sure I am OK, pretty sure she just wants the table, and the people around me started to stare and whisper.

8:20 Roomie msgs she is leaving work, what am I doing? I am being stood up. She decides to come to my rescue.

8:30 I send Will a text, “I’m leaving the restaurant now”. Translation “You are an asshole, I’m leaving the fucking restaurant now you douchebag, who doesn’t even show up for a date after making ME promise not to bail?!?!?!!?!” I try not to wish for bad things to happen to him and I order a drink.

9:00 Roomie shows up we have a late dinner. Turned out to be the best date I’ve had in a long time. Thank God for Besties!

I’ve never been stood-up before. It is humiliating, why on earth would someone do that? How do you get back on the “horse”? How do you not take that personally? Did he show up and take one look at me and bail? Did he meet someone on his way to meet me? Did he get into a terrible car accident on the way and is now disfigured for life? (Must not think nasty thoughts…) Is he just an absolute douche or am I just a dud? Stupid boys, playing stupid mind-games. I had higher self-esteem when I wasn’t dating.

Does anyone have the number for the SPCA?

 

Not So Positive Experiment: Dating Advice – NSP Update #2 September 23, 2010

In response to “Golden Eye’s” comments and tips, (thank-you by the way, sorry it took so long to post up it was thrown into the Spam filter) I thought I’d tackle the “date-yourself” tip. This one is easy I love spending time alone, and frankly tackling this one first means I can take a brief break from cyber-dating, which incidentally is exhausting.

Back on track… date yourself (or rather myself)… since I love getting love notes, I thought I’d use this time to write one to myself. Look out future BF you have some serious work ahead of you if you want to top this one… (and you should want that).

*WARNING* I will be talking about myself in the third person from here on, normally I find this highly irritating but for the sake of the exercise I think it works best.

Why I Love You – An Ode to Me

You fuckin’ rock!

No seriously you do.

You are pretty but not too pretty, funny but not super silly.

You are thoughtful and kind.

You are generous and loyal.

You are the right amount of spiritual and cynical.

You are somehow both sentimental and tough. You don’t take crap from people but are careful to protect their feelings.

I wish more people could be like you.

You are sweet and yet salty, like chocolate covered pretzels (which sound like a good idea, but really they make me gag, so maybe this isn’t the best metaphor, but you know what I mean).

I love your taste in music, even though people around you make-fun.
Canadian indy-rock mixed with smaltzy lounge and smooth yacht rock with some old-school rap thrown in, really is a party on my iPod.

You are artsy but not flaky (OK maybe a little flaky, but it’s OK I love you anyway)

I love the fact that you have so many different groups of friends, it means you are able to relate to different people and situations.

I love that you love your family so much, and that your brothers are so protective of you, even though it means introducing them to men is a little scary.

I love that you are going back to school to finally pursue your dreams, and that your dreams involve helping people.

I love that you love to cook, and I know that people like Roomie also love it.

I love that you take pleasure in simple things, like the feeling of a brand new pair of socks. Seriously it is SWWWEEEETT!

I think you are an amazing person and I am lucky to have you in my life, I can’t believe more people don’t want to date you… sister, you are a catch!

Oh and you are so humble, that’s cool too…

*
OK that was fun, what’s next?! Crap! It’s more online dating isn’t it?

 

Not So Positive Experiment: Dating Advice – NSP Update #1 September 14, 2010

So first of all I’d like to thank everyone who has given me advice so far; keep it coming! It’s been a few weeks so I thought the least I could do was give a bit of an update on how things were going (or not).

While I would love to try sailing, I think this will have to wait until the spring. I hate being cold and wet, and chances are I’d fall off the boat. But I would like to try it and will take “Alerk” up on his offer to take me to me get my sea legs before I decide about lessons.

I am super excited about “Cassie’s” suggestion of a cooking class and The Dirty Apron near my place has singles classes. I am saving up now and will keep everyone in the loop when that finally happens. I’m more excited about the actual cooking than anything else though.

“Ever-popular roomie’s” suggestion of being more aggressive when I talk to men has a fatal flaw; guys don’t talk to me. “Fortunately” she has been around to remind me of my commitment to taking the blog advice, forcing me to waltz on the street with a stranger one Saturday afternoon, and ensuring that I actually take “Andrea’s” advice.

Ahh… Lava Life… I did start a profile as suggested and have started sending “smiles” out to guys that aren’t my Dad’s age or older and don’t look like they are stalkers or trekkies. It’s tougher than you’d think. I have only sent out 10 so far and seriously that is a reach. There is a reason most of these people are online and I’m guessing that it isn’t because “they are busy professionals”. As an added bonus, I have also reactivated my Plenty of Douchebags…errr… I mean Plenty of Fish account. It’s mostly a lot of guys who think they are AMAZING. (Not so amazing that they have girlfriends, or perhaps they are too amazing.)

But I’m not giving up on “Andrea’s” advice—and not just because I have someone eye-balling me from the other couch—but I promised to keep an open-mind and make a go of all of the advice. And, I have had a couple of conversations with guys who were pretty nice. I did also start talking to one guy who was trying to get me to invite him over to “play games” at the same-time as he was trying to chat with Roomie who was on her laptop searching for guys for me to “smile” at.

So there you have it. Let the dating commence! (Or rather, let the Gin flow! That may be the only way I will get through this)

I am open to new suggestions, tips and stories, comment away!

 

 
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