She's Not That Positive

I’m positive about a lot of things, in a pessimistic kind of way.

#whitegirlinIndia August 19, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — She @ 8:23 am

Let’s all pretend I haven’t not-blogged in over a year and just move on.

As part of my Master’s Degree program I am wrapping up a month-long international practicum adventure working with an NGO in Southern India. Now, I could blog about all of the amazing experiences I have had and how much I have learned on this trip, but let’s be honest neither of us came here for that.

India has been both the most amazing and the most insanely aggravating place I have ever been. You can follow some of my adventures on twitter #whitegirlinIndia or on the Twitterfeed widget beside this post. Some highlights are:

  • It’s fucking hot here
  • Why doesn’t my air-conditioning blow cold air?
  • “Fast and reliable internet” my ass

My bunkmate (poor girl) on this adventure has encouraged me to start writing (actually she said “you have the stupid blog use it dumbass!” She gets me). So I am working on a few posts that I will try to post in the next few days (depending on my fast and reliable internet).

No one listens to signs here

No one listens to signs here

 

Hey Sluts! October 19, 2013

As you know faithful readers I go to school with mostly 20-somethings, and for the last few months have overheard various conversations that annoy, scare or confuse me. Most of this is a result of the way people (kids) use language now. This post is about a particular word.

Now I have been known to use this word in various contexts, and I have at times had this word used to describe me. So I am not going to pretend I’m above this kind of talk but stick with me, I think I have a point (I hope).

It started last semester when I was with one of these twenty-something girls, and I saw a poster for the “Slut Walk” at my school. Not knowing what it was about I was understandably taken aback by the title; this girl and I started talking about the event. She explained that it was to demonstrate against using a woman’s appearance or actions as way to defend her rape; this got us on to a discussion about “slut shaming” as well.

I obviously believe very strongly that a woman should both feel and be safe dressing and acting in a way that makes her feel empowered. She should not be degraded for how she chooses to dress, or her actions. As women we should be having events like “Slut Walk” and fighting against “slut shaming” we should be yelling and screaming for our rights and our safety. ABSOLUTELY!

But words have power, let’s not forget that.

So here is my argument, instead of adopting this misogynistic hurtful term to shock and promote our causes, why not stop using the term altogether. My young friend argued, “Well if we use it for our causes it takes the power away from that word and makes it mean what we want it to mean”; what do we want the term “slut” to mean exactly? Someone who is in control, who has the power and the right and the freedom to do what they want with their bodies however and whenever they want? Why can’t we just call these people women? Or better yet just people?

So readers what do you think, is appropriating this kind of language helpful or hurtful?

*For the purpose of this post I am ignoring the upsetting fact that young women seem to feel (like I did at that age) that asserting your dominance and your independence needs to be associated with asserting yourself sexually.

 

Life on the Corner – 2 July 3, 2013

Filed under: General Musings — She @ 4:09 pm
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Monday June 10

This morning I left the house and an older man (60’s or 70’s) stopped in front of me and leered down my top mumbled something and almost reached out to touch my boob before catching my eye and moving on (it’s a wonder it didn’t hit a lamp-post he was staring so hard). Yes, I guess I get people staring or commenting on my chest often, but I honestly can’t remember feeling as violated as I did today, there was something super sleazy in that little old man’s eyes that I haven’t been able to get over all day. Like “Him” says, if you are going to stare at boobs do it with your periphery that way you don’t get caught. Gross.

Tuesday June 11

Using his legs to scoot himself forward he wheeled his chair up to me with that crazed look that most of the long-time drug users down here seem to share. He looked up at me and I thought “I don’t have change, and I don’t have time for this.” He met my gaze and said “can you spare a smile?” I couldn’t help but smile, not just at his request but my reaction to him. He smiled wide and gave a little laugh, I couldn’t help but do the same, and at that he pumped his fist in the air triumphantly and shouted “it’s gonna be a great day!” I laughed harder and called after him to have a good day, “I will now sweetie” he replied. It still makes me smile.

 

Encounters – Life on the Corner – Take 1 June 8, 2013

Filed under: General Musings — She @ 2:42 pm
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Every day I walk the streets of my neighbourhood I am struck by, not only the sadness and despair of the lives that live here, but the kindness, laughter and neighbourliness that I haven’t encountered in any other neighbourhood in Vancouver. I’ve decided to diary the ones that stick out the most.

Friday June 7, 2013

Red T-shirt, man in late 50’s (although it’s hard to tell with the hard livin’ my neighbours do) on Hastings Street. Screams at older man, “Come at me man, do it! What are you scared off you’re gonna be dead in a hundred years anyway, what does it matter?” Screams after me “Come at me, come on! What are you scared off you’re gonna be dead in a hundred years anyway, what does it matter?” Screams at the bus “Come at me, do it! What are you scared off you’re gonna be dead in a hundred years anyway, what does it matter?” Sigh, he’s right you know, in a hundred years I’ll be dead what does it matter?

Saturday June 8, 2013

She walked down the street towards me, little chubby in a too tight turquoise top and too short acid washed ruffled skirt. A baby face with a cigarette dangling from her lips, sadness surrounded her. Her eyes lit up when she saw me, “hello” she said smiling broadly. I smiled back as she walked past, “hi”. “How are you?” wobbling slightly as she passed me. “Good, you?” “Great!” she said. “Have a good day” I called after without turning around. “You too!” she yelled crossing the street. Made my morning.

 

 

OH-EM-GEE: Breakthrough – Maybe I can do this! May 3, 2013

The last few months have consisted of stress, sleepless nights, stress, crying myself to sleep, self-doubt, no fun, stress, days and days (and nights and nights) alone studying, did I mention stress? I knew it wouldn’t be easy going back to school full-time, but I didn’t know it would be this hard. I thought that my part-time studies and full-time work would have prepared me for this, but it didn’t. I can’t count how many times I said to myself and to Him “I can’t do this, I made a mistake” (I’m sure he can’t either). I struggled through every class and every project, part fear of failing, part fighting to prove I could do it, and mostly just trying to keep my head above water and not quit. But a week or so after final exams, I can breathe a little easier and reflect, and this is what happened:

I had a breakthrough, an actual honest-to-God breakthrough, it happened slowly as my final marks came in (wait for it).

Now this post isn’t for me to brag to you and get you to congratulate me, or say “I knew you could do it”, this post is about me, for me; because I didn’t know I could do it. At the best of times I have pretty low self-esteem; sure I joke about how smart or funny I am, and I may have convinced you, but I certainly couldn’t convince myself.

Going back to school was the first thing I have done for myself in, well, ever. After years of trying to please everyone else I took a good look at my life and what I wanted out of it and made the decision (BIG thank you’s go out to “Little One” and Him for making it financially possible to make this happen, and for everyone for encouraging it). And yes, I was pretty proud of that, but this, this I achieved ON MY OWN, I can’t say I was just lucky, I can’t pass the success on to a team of people, I can’t say “well it’s all thanks to so-and-so” because no one else did my homework or wrote my exams. I did this, I made this happen, and I FUCKING ROCKED IT!!!!!

I can honestly say, probably for the first time ever, I’m so proud of myself and I believe I can accomplish my goals now.

So this post is to me in three months, six months, nine months, one year, two years and so on. Yes, you will struggle through, yes you will make sacrifices and yes it will be hard and there might be tears, but never doubt you can do it, because look what you did:

finalgrades

 

OH-EM-GEE: I Quit! September 18, 2012

Today I quit my job. YAY!

Well actually a week ago I gave notice for the end of December, but today they announced it publicly!!

So aside from the reasons listed on my Twitter feed, why am I leaving? Where am I going?

I will be going back to school full-time to pursue a new career in a completely different field, and I am FREAKING OUT!! This is the first time I have quit a job with no plan for income, not even long-term (long- long-term yes, but that’s about 4-5 years away).

I have been a marketing professional for 13 years, in many different fields for many different companies, and now (well as of the end of December) I am a full-time student. Man, even when I was a full-time student originally I worked full-time too. (But then I was in my late teens/early twenties, who has the energy for that anymore?)

*phew*

It was a difficult decision as a result of a wonderfully supportive partner. I could probably have done this on my own, but I know I wouldn’t have.

My studies and my new career path will be focusing on helping people, not people who need a new downtown condo, insurance, want to sell a TV show or market a product; but people who really need help, people who are having trouble adjusting to a new life or escaping the traumas of an old one.

I’m oddly proud of myself and my decision, totally freaked out about the future, incredibly excited and nervous about how I am going to live on less than a third of my current yearly salary.

But I’m pretty sure I can make it happen.

(Anyone have any good “Mr. Noodles” recipes?)

 

Great Cause, Great Comedy April 2, 2012

Filed under: Do-gooding — She @ 6:32 pm
Tags: , , ,

I KNOW! OH EM GEE Three posts in three days?!?! What could be so important I just had to share? Well my good Twitter friend (yes it’s a thing) @allthethinks is hosting what will be a great event in Toronto for an amazing cause, Neuro Rehab, the event is called Brainsgiving – chance to thank your brain for doing the amazing work it does. Can’t make it to Toronto? Do what I do and spread the word and follow the hilarious six-week lead up to the event on Twitter @brainsgiving.

Image

Need more info? In Toronto and want tickets? Want to find out about more about the Toronto Rehab’s Neuro Rehabilitation Program check out the website www.brainsgiving.com. I know you know someone who has been affected by a brain injury, we all do, so why not have some laughs and help out?

*she