Yes I’ve been busy, and while my life seems crazy and at times I feel a little certifiable for taking so much on, it’s not what I mean by being “committed”. Well, it’s not that not far off, but no, this post is about something even crazier, I’m dating someone. Like the double entendre? (Like the big college girl term?)
Yes you read that correctly, someONE. I am in a RELATIONSHIP. While you might assume because of my efforts to start dating earlier on in the blog, I was looking for this, the truth is the thought of being in a relationship freaks me out. It’s not that hanging out with someone and having fun and doing “coupley” stuff freaks me out, and it certainly has nothing to do with *Him (yes, that’s his “not that positive” name), he is awesome, patient, kind, fun, laid back, and really easy to be with. It’s the commitment that scares me. It’s even the word commitment that scares me.
The scariest part for me is telling people. Why? I don’t know. Everyone of course is happy for me, why wouldn’t they be? But it makes it real and when it’s real there is a real possibility I could get really hurt. The worst part about people knowing you’re in a relationship is telling them that you aren’t anymore.
Want proof of how much of a freak I am? Here’s how I told my mum: “Mum I need to tell you something, but I’m not ready to tell anyone else, and I don’t want you to make too big of a deal about this.” Mum sits down looking completely freaked out. “OK, of course, what is it?” Deep breath… “Well… Him and I are dating, we have been for a while.” Mum taking a big gulp of her drink and breathing big sigh of relief “Oh is that it? Thank God I thought you had cancer or something, what is wrong with you?!… Do you think it’s my fault you are so obviously afraid of commitment?” (My mother is constantly worried that she is the cause all the problems in my life. And no Mum you aren’t.)
So why is it so scary? I don’t think it is because my parents got divorced, if anything it could be that every single person in my extended family has been divorced at least once. Or the fact that my relationships seem to go amazingly until one day I see pictures of the guy who asked me if I would marry him, kissing another girl on Facebook.
It took me a long time to get over that relationship and a long time to admit to myself that I was in this one. So yes the dating experiment is officially over, and without getting super girly about it he’s awesome and I am so glad that I am letting myself trust someone again.
So there you have it, I am in a committed relationship, and because of Him, everyday it gets a little less scary.
P.S. Don’t worry though I won’t be changing this into a relationship blog. I’ll leave that to the very funny and amazing He & She of I Do Already. (Although I will admit to not so secretly wanting to emulate their relationship)