She's Not That Positive

I’m positive about a lot of things, in a pessimistic kind of way.

OH-EM-GEE: Breakthrough – Maybe I can do this! May 3, 2013

The last few months have consisted of stress, sleepless nights, stress, crying myself to sleep, self-doubt, no fun, stress, days and days (and nights and nights) alone studying, did I mention stress? I knew it wouldn’t be easy going back to school full-time, but I didn’t know it would be this hard. I thought that my part-time studies and full-time work would have prepared me for this, but it didn’t. I can’t count how many times I said to myself and to Him “I can’t do this, I made a mistake” (I’m sure he can’t either). I struggled through every class and every project, part fear of failing, part fighting to prove I could do it, and mostly just trying to keep my head above water and not quit. But a week or so after final exams, I can breathe a little easier and reflect, and this is what happened:

I had a breakthrough, an actual honest-to-God breakthrough, it happened slowly as my final marks came in (wait for it).

Now this post isn’t for me to brag to you and get you to congratulate me, or say “I knew you could do it”, this post is about me, for me; because I didn’t know I could do it. At the best of times I have pretty low self-esteem; sure I joke about how smart or funny I am, and I may have convinced you, but I certainly couldn’t convince myself.

Going back to school was the first thing I have done for myself in, well, ever. After years of trying to please everyone else I took a good look at my life and what I wanted out of it and made the decision (BIG thank you’s go out to “Little One” and Him for making it financially possible to make this happen, and for everyone for encouraging it). And yes, I was pretty proud of that, but this, this I achieved ON MY OWN, I can’t say I was just lucky, I can’t pass the success on to a team of people, I can’t say “well it’s all thanks to so-and-so” because no one else did my homework or wrote my exams. I did this, I made this happen, and I FUCKING ROCKED IT!!!!!

I can honestly say, probably for the first time ever, I’m so proud of myself and I believe I can accomplish my goals now.

So this post is to me in three months, six months, nine months, one year, two years and so on. Yes, you will struggle through, yes you will make sacrifices and yes it will be hard and there might be tears, but never doubt you can do it, because look what you did:



OH-EM-GEE: I Quit! September 18, 2012

Today I quit my job. YAY!

Well actually a week ago I gave notice for the end of December, but today they announced it publicly!!

So aside from the reasons listed on my Twitter feed, why am I leaving? Where am I going?

I will be going back to school full-time to pursue a new career in a completely different field, and I am FREAKING OUT!! This is the first time I have quit a job with no plan for income, not even long-term (long- long-term yes, but that’s about 4-5 years away).

I have been a marketing professional for 13 years, in many different fields for many different companies, and now (well as of the end of December) I am a full-time student. Man, even when I was a full-time student originally I worked full-time too. (But then I was in my late teens/early twenties, who has the energy for that anymore?)


It was a difficult decision as a result of a wonderfully supportive partner. I could probably have done this on my own, but I know I wouldn’t have.

My studies and my new career path will be focusing on helping people, not people who need a new downtown condo, insurance, want to sell a TV show or market a product; but people who really need help, people who are having trouble adjusting to a new life or escaping the traumas of an old one.

I’m oddly proud of myself and my decision, totally freaked out about the future, incredibly excited and nervous about how I am going to live on less than a third of my current yearly salary.

But I’m pretty sure I can make it happen.

(Anyone have any good “Mr. Noodles” recipes?)


Oh to be 18 again…or 21…whatever September 10, 2010

Ok fine I don’t REALLY want to be 18 or 21 again, I just want the energy I had then (and maybe the body…sigh the body).

When I was 18 I worked part-time and went to school full-time, dated and kept up with my friends. Granted my grades weren’t fabulous but I managed to make it work. Even in my 2nd year I was working one full-time and one part-time job and still managed to take 3 courses. And when I was 21 I worked two full-time jobs and 1 part-time job, and still had a social life! Now I need a nap just describing those years.

Pulling all-nighters in your late teens and early 20’s is no big deal, you just keep on truckin’. Now, if I don’t get to sleep before 11 I feel like a zombie the next day. Moreover, I LOOK like a zombie the next day.

Everything takes more work in your thirties, exercise, relationships, wardrobe (remember when it was acceptable to go out in your pajama pants?), staying awake through dinner, literally everything…

I have recently gone back to school to finish my degree; I’m halfway done so I figured I might as well finish it. Trouble is, at the rate I’m going I won’t be finished until 2015, provided I make it through this semester.

Given my past school experience and *ahem* current level of enthusiasm I figured my first semester would be pretty easy, English 1100 – it’s a first year class, how hard could it be right? I write for a living, no worries!

I’m worried. After my first class I already I feel like I need some anti-anxiety medication and some speed. How will I ever keep up with my 20 year-old classmates??

Bottom line – I’m tired and I have a shit load of homework.

Now who’s free for a bottle of wine?